How am I supposed to explain ego death, I wonder? What is inner personal work, really?
What is the great secret that all ancient teachings try to convey—often with the intention of goodness, yet so easily turning into hate instead?
What is it that we are meant to learn during our earthly journey, a journey that has only one shared outcome for all beings on this planet—death?That death we spend our entire lives wildly trying to escape—so much so that we forget to actually live. It is, in fact, quite comical, considering that life ends with death.
Today my husband and I spoke generally about relationship challenges—about being in agreement on important matters.
What is it that prevents us from being aligned? I asked. — The ego, my wise husband replied.
A tangled ball of yarn
Like a tangled ball of yarn, my thoughts began to twist together. The brain’s mission is to keep us alive—and to reward us with hormones when we succeed. The brain is an ancient system trying to function in a modern society. It is built for the savannah, for the glimmering teeth of the wolf that once threatened the safety of the herd.The problem is that the brain cannot distinguish between real danger and perceived danger.
Disagreeing with those we love can easily be translated as a threat to the herd. When the brain’s alarm system—the amygdala—is activated, the sympathetic nervous system switches on and signals: flee, fight, or freeze.
This is where the ego knocks on the door and steps in. Not as something mystical—but as a biological protection system.
The ego wants to survive, defend, control—or chase the next reward, the next hormonal “shot”—regardless of the consequences.
However, it is not particularly skilled at creating harmonious relationships: with partners, children, animals, coworkers, or colleagues.
Ego death requires self-awareness
My husband and I mostly just want to have fun. That’s why we rarely step straight into conflict and often take a kind of “whatever” approach. Comfortable—but not always the wisest choice. When he recently said, “We are going through ego death together,” I paused to reflect and realized:
– It is not about becoming too nice, giving up your will, or abandoning your life path.
– It is about no longer letting the brain’s impulses control our actions.
Ego death is the courage to remain in discomfort until we can hear our inner wise voice—the wisdom within us.
It can also be called intuition, gut feeling, or the true self. With self-awareness and personal responsibility—combined with the curiosity of a squirrel—we can find solutions for interaction and mutual understanding. This applies to all relationships: our children, our animals, our coworkers.
When the ego takes up too much space, there is little room left—eventually, relationships die.
Natural leadership—for animals, people, and relationships
Within horsemanship, this is described simply: Presence creates trust – ego breaks it. Remember that animals and children mirror your inner energy—not the words you speak.
Natural leadership is about hearing the difference between when the brain is screaming and when your true self is whispering. You need to practice being in your parasympathetic nervous system in order to hear your inner wisdom. It is not a button you press—it is a leadership you build in your body. When your nervous system is calm, your brain can let go. When the brain lets go, your gut feeling can take the reins.
So if you want a better life—place the brain in the passenger seat and allow your true self to drive your life forward on your path. It is not “spiritual fluff”—it is biology. And it is Humanship & Leadership—the path to your natural leadership.
//Therése